Why is it hard to be happy when others fall pregnant, and you don’t?

My husband and I were 4 years into our fertility rollercoaster when a girlfriend called with “wonderful news”. She was pregnant!

It almost killed me. You see, my girlfriend was single when my husband and I were married. We started trying to have a baby on our honeymoon. And in the 4 years we’d been trying to conceive, she’d met a guy, was getting married, and was now pregnant.

I couldn’t understand why it affected me so much.

Why couldn’t I separate her success, from my failure?

We’re told all the time to stop comparing our path to pregnancy with others. That their journey to get their baby on board has nothing to do with ours.

We should be able to be happy for others falling pregnant, and sad for ourselves and our fertility issues, whether we have endometriosis, PCOS, recurrent miscarriage…..or unexplained infertility.

But why is that so freaking hard?

And why is it that our husbands find it easier to separate their emotions? Why doesn’t a pregnancy announcement affect them as much as it does us? I never found my husband chugging a bottle of wine, while knee-deep in a tub of peanut butter and chocolate ice-cream. But that’s exactly where I ended up every time someone announced that they were pregnant. And it happened a LOT!

I think I’ve worked out why it’s so hard for us, but not our partners. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s a walk in the park for them. But it hits us harder.

Here’s the big revelation……..

They’re wired differently.

Men and women’s brains process and operate in a completely different way.

This is not my theory – if you want to go to the source, I recommend you watch A Tale of Two Brains, by Mark Gungor. It’s enlightening, entertaining, and definitely rings true for me.

I’ll give you the highlights.

Imagine that men’s brains are made up of little boxes that don’t touch each other. Everything is separated – work, sports, car, relationships. That’s why they can have a conversation with their mates about one thing, and one thing only. And then when we ask them details of how their friend is going, they have no idea – because they just spoke about the one thing. Men also have the ability to think about nothing, which is why it’s so easy for them to switch off. Definitely a quality I wish I had.

Women’s brains, on the other hand, are made up of a big ball of wire. Everything is connected to everything, and it’s all driven by emotion. And that is why we remember everything (because the event is connected to the emotion), and our conversations bounce around and cover all subjects in a matter of minutes. We can go from talking about what we had for lunch, to how our mother is, to work, to books we’ve read, in just one sitting. We also have trouble shutting off our brains – as if you needed me to tell you that!

Sound familiar?

This is exactly why we have such a hard time being happy for others and sad for ourselves. Because everything is connected by emotion.

It isn’t because you’re a bad person.

It isn’t because you’re not trying hard enough.

It’s the way our brains are wired.

I’m not saying that we get to use this as an excuse and that we’re completely powerless in this situation. In fact, we have more power than we can possibly imagine.

There is a way to help you deal with the triggers, and separate out some of the emotion. To dull the pain and lessen the reaction.

And that it through everything I teach in my private coaching practice and courses…….by pouring into yourself.

Here are just a few things you can do to lessen the load and build up some emotional resilience.

• Exercise and movement – yoga / Pilates / walking / running

• Fresh air and sunshine

• Eating well and drinking plenty of water

• Breathing from your belly

• Meditation

• Gratitude Practice

• Journaling

• Listening to music and dancing

• Reading an inspirational book or listening to an uplifting podcast

And if you’d like to explore this more through my personal coaching program, including how you can develop the skills to create some peace and calm on your fertility journey, send me a message by clicking here.

p.s. If you struggle with pregnancy announcements too and find yourself cringing every time you open your social media account, don’t miss out on your FREE Pregnancy Announcement Survival guide. Fear no more, because this is tried and tested!!