How can you create more time on your fertility journey, when you can hear your biological clock ticking?
I want to talk about TIME. What is it? And how can we get more of it?
And in the world at the moment, TIME is something that a lot of us have been re-introduced to.
We knew it existed, but it was always something that we never had enough of.
And when you’re trying to fall pregnant, time can feel like your worst enemy.
You’re up against the clock. Literally, your biological clock! You can feel it ticking like a time bomb about to explode.
When you go to your fertility appointments the doctors ask two questions – how old are you? and how long have you been trying to conceive?
A quick google search tells us that once you turn 36, your chance of conceiving naturally is halved compared to your chance at 20 years of age. AND the number of healthy eggs you have rapidly declines as you get older.
So, when our birthday comes around each year, we don’t celebrate; we mourn another year wasted and stress that time is running out. Every day that passes is a reminder that our eggs are dying.
We also have a deadline in our head of when a baby needs to happen by. We figure if we can just pick the “perfect timing” and align everything, it will work.
And we’re so used to getting everything we want so quickly these days; we can’t understand why we have to wait for our baby. Other people don't have to wait to fall pregnant, so why should we?
We live in a world where patience does not exist anymore.
Everything has to be a quick fix. When we don’t lose weight quick enough, we turn to stomach surgery. When the eye cream doesn’t work fast enough, we choose Botox.
TIME is the cause of SO much suffering on this journey because it creates fear and urgency.
And that by itself is enough to raise our stress levels to record highs – and we all know that stress can affect fertility. So, then we stress about being stressed and the stress cycle begins.
Don’t get me wrong - I completely understand the urgency. You don’t want to spend any longer on this rollercoaster than necessary.
My husband will tell you that patience isn’t one of my strengths. That’s why we pushed and pushed and did IVF cycle after cycle. We pushed for 5 years to get our baby. We rarely took a break. It was like a race to get to the finish line.
Our journey wasn’t a marathon, it was a sprint. And we ended up sprinting for a really long time!!
It nearly broke us. We were utterly exhausted physically and emotionally.
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So how can you take a step off the time stress cycle without stopping what you're doing?
How would it feel to remove the stress around time? Throw out the ticking clock, remove the fear and the urgency, and most of all the disappointment each month.
In order to reduce our stress levels and the amount of pressure we’re putting on ourselves, we can change the way we view time.
Now before you think I’ve gone mad, let me explain.
We all have the ability to see anything from a different perspective, including your perception and relationship with time. So, I’d like to plant a seed, or food for thought for you to consider. WARNING - you may just have to open your mind a little.
There are two types of people (mainly). The type of person who has too much time (I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like that – well before COVID-19 anyway), or the type of person that never has enough time.
Most of us (including yours truly) never have enough time. We book up our calendar and always seem to be running to the next important thing. We need more time. But then when we get it (hello COVID-19), we fill it. We take that spare time and fill it with cleaning and decluttering and creating to-do lists of things we’ve been putting off for years.
But we have a choice which bucket we fall into. We get to choose our relationship with time. Because the pressure of time is in our mind.
We can be a victim to it (I need this to happen now).
OR we can relieve the pressure that it holds on us (it will happen when it’s supposed to).
We are responsible for setting deadlines and we do it because it gives us comfort to know that this will all be over soon. It makes us feel like we have a level of control over the outcome.
But the universe doesn’t work according to our schedule, and it never will. I’ve been reminded of this time and time again.
So here is where the fork in the road is.
You can keep holding onto your plan and your timeline and continue to stress every single month and view every month you don’t fall pregnant as precious time slipping away. You can choose to see time as something to fear.
Or you can shift your focus and your thoughts around time, and see it as a gift. And for anyone who has lost someone precious to them, the time spent with them, no matter how short, was in fact a gift. You can choose to see the time you have right now as an opportunity for you to learn and grow in preparation for motherhood.
How would it feel to slow things down on your fertility journey?
Create some space. Reduce the overwhelm.
No, I’m not talking about sitting on your ass and doing nothing.
I’m talking about you focusing on how much time you DO have, rather than how much time you don’t have.
Take a long-term view, take the pressure of time off yourself and give the universe (or whatever you believe in) the space it needs to grant you your baby.
Your body knows what it’s doing. It’s trying to tell you something and you’re not listening to it.
Stop pushing so much.
Trust it and give it time.
p.s. If you struggle with pregnancy announcements and find yourself cringing every time you open your social media account, don’t miss out on your FREE Pregnancy Announcement Survival guide. Fear no more, because this is tried and tested!!