Removing the Ick factor from SELF LOVE

The idea of self-love has always been a bit of an icky concept for me. I’ve always associated it with staring at myself in the mirror and saying I LOVE YOU, all the while trying not to cringe.

Most of us were raised with the belief that you should always put the needs of others in front of your own and be completely self-less. THAT makes a good person.

So, surrendering to the notion of putting myself first was and continues to be a difficult process.

Logically speaking, it makes sense – you can’t pour from an empty jug. You should fill up your own jug first, and those around you get the overflow. If you’re not running on all cylinders, how can you show up for those around you and give them 100%? I absolutely love the idea.

So how do you put it into practice despite both society and that little voice in your head telling you it’s wrong?

How do you fall back in love with yourself after trying to conceive and failing? How do you love your body despite it being faulty? How do you love yourself when you cannot provide your partner with a child or your parents a grandchild? How do you love yourself when you don’t even recognize the angry and negative person you’ve become? A person who feels sad when those she loves fall pregnant around her? Who pulls away from her friends who have their own families because she feels envy? Who feels guilty and self-loathing every single day?

For me, the first step was forgiveness.

No – it’s not easy. Especially forgiving yourself when you’ve been holding onto those thoughts and feelings for so long. But forgiveness is a conscious decision. And it is essential because those thoughts and feelings are no longer serving you and are in fact holding you back from any kind of happiness. You have a choice - wallow in your self-hatred, guilt and self-pity……or let it go and move forward from a place of love.

The next step is to fall back in love with yourself. Now if your “Ick factor” radar is starting to go off, and your mind is screaming “abort, abort”, please stick with me.

It was drummed into us from such a young age that we need to have a respectable career, get married, buy a house, settle down and create our own family. So, after years of working on all of those things, we derive our value from those achievements.

Our self-worth is deeply connected to our ability to have a baby.

We seek our validation from what we have and what we do and what other people think of us, rather than WHO WE ARE.

It’s not surprising that we wake up one day and have no idea who the person staring back at us in the mirror is anymore, let alone whether we love ourselves. Life gets busy, we get stuck in the hustle, and completely disconnect from who we are.

So how do we re-connect?

Exactly how you would a complete stranger. Get to know you. Ask yourself a few questions. Who are you and what do you love about yourself?

If you’ve spent most of your life looking after others, chances are you know your friends and family better than you know yourself. So, if you’re still looking at a blank piece of paper unsure of what you love about yourself, ask those around you what they love about you. When you see yourself through someone else’s eyes, it’s easier to believe. Plus, it gives you permission to fill that blank piece of paper.

Getting to know yourself and loving the good and bad traits you have is all part of the journey.

Think of it as dating yourself.

Because you are the most important person in your story. YOU are your legacy, not a child.

And above all else, YOU ARE ENOUGH RIGHT NOW.

Sending you all the self-love in the world xx

p.s check out this interview with Courtney Townley - we discuss tips on how to forgive your body after pregnancy loss.